24 hours into Round Three and I don’t think I’ll last a month…

I’m still scratching my head on this one, but since it was a break from the typical I figured it could fall into one of the categories of the good, the bad and the ugly of dating.  Not the former. I signed back up on one of the free dating sites as a challenge. On my “profile” I put up one picture and then led them to the other site. www.datemyfriendamy.com so they could see some of my interests, pictures, etc.

 I get a lot of messages and to be honest, this go around if they just say “hi” and nothing else I haven’t had the energy to reply.  I’m doing something different with the whole www.datemyfriendamy.com site so I figure if the guy is the least bit truly interested he could spurt out more than “hi”. I’m aiming to end up with someone with a sense of humor.

Anyway, after reading this gentleman’s profile I had the feeling I wasn’t going to want to meet him and somewhere along the first message I confirmed my feeling.  However, I kept it light and humorous and figured I’d at least engage in conversation. Afterall, I like meeting new people, learning about different kinds of people, I’ve met a few friends online and in other stranger places.. so what the heck…

Basically I’m just going to give you the messages and you can decide where what went wrong. Unfortunately, some of the messages must have been deleted.  I tried to fill in the blanks as best I could.  Anything in italics is my recollection or innermost thoughts.  The bold actually occurred.  His name has been changed to protect his innocence… I mean, I don’t even know his name so I had to put something. *Also, I removed the specific streets, names, etc.

Creep: well hello

 Amy: (did not reply)

Creep: sent message with subject line saying “well?”

Amy: Oh dear…. I never got a first message So sorry, hope that didn’t make you think I was a snooty wench of a gal.

Creep: sent message saying something to the effect of yes he was getting that idea.

(In Amy’s Head: well if you would have said something interesting maybe I would have replied a bit sooner)

Amy: yeah. I had to change my profile and will need to change again once I can think of something to say. I think it was coming across the wrong way. I’m most definitely not a ****. a wench maybe if in the right submissive frame of mind. haha. anyway, hope my www.datemyfriendamy.com site didnt scare you or give you the wrong impression, especailly when mixed with my missing the first message.

Creep: sent message saying something to the effect that guys don’t read profiles and he didn’t bother to look at website and it being a bad idea.

(In Amy’s Head: You fucker, some men so read profiles because they are genuine. Reminisces about some of the nicer, funnier, creative messages throughout the online dating experiences)

Amy: well, the site isnt the wrong image to portray. its a long story on how it got started, but its just me being a goofball. i appreciate a good sense of humor and trying to fend off the booty call seekers. figured they wouldnt pursue. but i think just the fact that its a site makes people think im soliciting or something. not the case. just looking for something quality is all with the right person.

Creep: ya know,instead of the website, the long profile, and everything else… you could’ve just used the last line of the last message you sent.

(In Amy’s Head: Boy, you’re giving me advice on what to say in my profile that you admitted you had no intention of reading?)

Amy: yep. I did that before and got flooded with messages like “can i come over and eat you?” and “what bra size are you?” and such. I’m sure guys get a bunch of crap too. Its all about weeding out the things you don’t want and finding something good, but it is exhausting sometimes

Creep: given the title of the website, the guys with dirty motives are to be expected. as well, there is the human side of it all as well. despite the facade we all attempt to hide behind, there is always human need. these needs sometimes manifest uncontrollablely and pronounce themselves in a manner that we aren’t always proud of. realistically, we judge people on their physical appearance, and ask ourselves the blunt question “would I Fuck them?” 9 times out of 10, the answer is yes. however, from that point, its what is inside that counts. so, we try to justify our “Fuck decision” through a series of interactions and attempts to achieve a common ground. just my two cents on it all.

(In Amy’s Head: wow. ummm… hmm.. where do I start, yes you need to be physically attracted to someone, but I have turned down some rock hot hard handsome men because they don’t have the personality I’m looking for…  alas.. you are just a penis with a computer right now who said he’s fuck 90% of the pictures out there… not everyone is like me and I digress.) 

Amy: sent message saying something polite when I really wanted to spit in his face for giving men a bad name, then asked something about he was on to seek friends

Creep: Well, my whole take on it is that it starts with friends. Regardless of the end result, whether it be marriage, dating, sport ****ing etc, it all starts by being friends with someone.
After all, we dont want to spend any time with someone that we cant simply be friends with. There is something to be said for quality time on the couch, regardless of what you are or are not wearing…

(In Amy’s Head: well its good to know you want to end up liking the girl at some point.. maybe there’s hope for you afterall… not with me… just in general..)

Amy: exactly. I put long term to try to deter the “hang outs” but i certainly dont want marriage proposals any time soon. I have the whole situation with kids too having them just about all the time, so that limits my freedom somewhat. I figure that eliminates a huge chunk of the population that doesn’t understand having kids. So (USERNAME) (insert name here) what do you do for a living? Personally I have a job that takes awhile to explain, but I work for health insurance and have been there 12 years.

Creep: Well Amy, i put the internet to good use and took the liberty of tracing the IP address. you probably shouldnt use your phone while at work As well, be careful of the traffic on the (ROAD MY WORK IS LOCATED), as the rain has made it quite a **** today. Unless of course, you still park out back, and hit (HIGHWAY #)  toward home…
As far as what I do for a living… lets just say that my job is a very active contributor to the ticker tape on CNN… i see it all, know it all, and live it all…

(In Amy’s Head: What the fuck?!?!….. ummm.. I know most everything can be traced online and I certainly don’t hide any of my “tracks” but did you just hack onstar or something?)

Amy: ummm……im a bit scared

Creepier: dont worry, im not a stalker or anything. its my job to know everything about everyone. trust me, im harmless.
just be careful about posting blowjobs on facebook, might get you in trouble
so, whats for dinner? 

Amy: I posted that while I was on my lunchbreak, not on worktime :) and I wasn’t one of the participants in said blow job. So I’m assuming since you seem to know where I live, where I work, where I park, my facebook, my bra size, my credit rating, my IQ and what color socks I’m wearing…. You’ve probably deciphered that I have my kids and can’t have dinner tonight. Plus you haven’t even told me your name. (It’s not Bourne is it?)

Creep posts comment on www.datemyfriendamy.com saying “um, nice site… you never told me what was for dinner?”

Creepy Jerk: i  wasnt inviting myself for dinner, i was asking what you were cooking for the girls…
that aside, jason bourne, although fun to watch, is hardly how it really works.
your bra size has changed drastically over the past year considering your weight fluctuation. i could try to guess, but it really doesnt matter.
at any rate, i apologize for scaring you. now go feed the kids.

(In Amy’s Head: Did I just get insulted in several ways?)

 Amy: My bra size has actually stayed the same. I’m making whole grain breaded tilapia and salad… but you probably already knew that didn’t you.
Amy: sees comment posted

Amy: and if you’re really good you can find my other blog.

(In Amy’s Head: Anybody with google can 007)

 Creeptastic: already have…not interested in challenging you

(In Amy’s Head: again… what the fuck?) 

Amy: Clearly

Amy: hahaha… you’re good I don’t try very well to hide, I’m an open book, but you’re definitely tech savvy there see… now you can read all about me and know that the whole website thing is just a spark of my goofy personality and not some scam or way to solicite a good nipple sucking.

(In Amy’s Head: good lord, what is your point already I can’t figure you out but since you know where I park I’m going to keep being nice)

 Creepaholic: i dont need to read you websites, i can just follow you through Microsoft Office communicator at (PLACE I WORK). Their system has oversite that is routed through several network servers. The same servers that I have to monitor on a daily basis.

Amy: Then you know I changed into my running clothes at my desk the other day because noone was around… shoooooot. Most of my IMs would bore you. I like my boss and coworkers, but my job isn’t invogorating, like chasing tornados, piloting shuttles or stalking or anything

 CreepFace: you always try to reel people in by belittling yourself. you may want to stop and just be yourself, its a lot more appealing.
at any rate, have a good dinner, and make sure you turn the bottle off on the bbq

Amy: Can’t assume you know everything about everyone by what you read from your government nest This is definitely an interesting conversation. I self depricate because I’m too nice to insult other people. hehehe. Kidding, I do insult other people on occasion if they’re mean. You must have known I burned my eyelashes off a few months ago. You’ll be happy to know they’ve grown back.

OK… now, after reading this you may have a few questions.  I will do my best to clarify:

1.  A recent Facebook status of mine was that I saw a guy getting a blowjob in his truck on my lunchbreak, apparently finding my last name and peeking in on my facebook was part of the top secret mission.

2. I changed my clothes at my desk the other day (no one was around, no one ever comes over, no flesh was exposed) and I told a friend/co-worker about it on office communicator.

3. I burned some of my eyelashes off lighting the grill weeks or months ago.  They have grown back nicely.

Also, I learned a few lessons from this. 

1. Although I don’t advertise my last name, phone number, employer, address and so forth on here, I know it’s not rocket surgery to find.  I still won’t bother to try to “hide” since obviously there are people out there willing to misuse their resources to find out where I park so they can insult me with gusto.

2. I need to learn to be more of a bitch.  And my first step in my newfound bitchdom is to post this knowing he could be reading.  Now, maybe the guy just struck me the wrong way from the beginning and perhaps he will make someone very happy one day, but dude…. you should seriously consider a different strategy.  I know we weren’t interested in each other, but still… grow some manners and personality if you want to make friends.  If you want to just spread your dick around then the whole look “put cock in, learn about personality later” method might work for you. If you want to find someone with a personality that compliments your hopes and dreams, read the profiles.  You can tell more about a person by what they put in their profile than any government spy tactics can tell you.

3. Although this dude was not a stalker, because the real stalkers don’t let you know they know everything, maybe I should consider parking in a different lot.

4. My head hurts.

I wonder if he’s reading…. hahaha… Anyway, I don’t think so because I told a coworker today on office communicator that I was hungry and then added “big brother if you’re monitoring please bring me a smoothie or something”.  I mean, dude knew where I parked so he could deliver it right to me, but no lunch service today, so chances are he’s not reading. Best of luck to you Keith, if that is your real name (on email from comment post).

Third times the charm?

Heaven help me, but after continual jokes with friends it has finally come to fruition.  www.datemyfriendamy.com.  Lord have mercy on my dating soul. After the glimpse into the online dating world I posted here months ago, its hard to tell what I’ll get myself into. If nothing else its going to be more research for the chapter in my future book dedicated to the world of online dating.

Sorry Loon… no craigslist, but I put it up on a free dating site, so thats close enough.

The best RSVP ever!

I’m having a small get-together soon for games, snacking, drinking and prancing around a campfire.  The RSVPs are rolling in but nothing has topped one of my good friends so far.  I love her dearly.  She won’t be able to make it because it’s the opening weekend of Harry Potter and she already has plans to see it three times. 

I’ve contemplating having a superhero party where everyone has to dress up like superheros…. perhaps I should go with a Harry Potter themed party. 

 

 

 

 

You with the hose… squirt the mud out of my nooks and crannies please.

After my 5k mud run back in April I am officially addicted to these! I participated in the Washington DC area Rebel Race in Frederick Maryland on Sunday 6.19.11.  I completed the 15k. (For those who are metrically challenged that’s just over 9 miles).  To the right are the gladiators of old running shoes that took me on my muddy journey. I was able to bring some of the course home with me.  The idea is to wear shoes you wouldn’t cry buckets of boiling tears over if you lost them in a pit of muck.  I didn’t lose mine fortunately.  I’m lazy enough they are still sitting on my porch unwashed.  I’ll give them a squirt before my next muddy adventure.

I was officially last.  The event was two days and I was registered on day two in the last heat of the long race.  There were maybe forty people in my heat (I’m horrible at estimating crowds.  It’s been proven, so when I say forty that could mean 20-55.) I’m slow by nature but I know for a fact there were people behind me.  One of the running loops was poorly marked and many people missed it, which I believe is how they got ahead and I became the muddy caboose. 

Mud glorious mud.  Love it!  My goal was to not walk any of it, but unfortunately I let myself down.  It was bloody hot outside.  Somewhere in a mile+ stretch in a cornfield I wanted to throw up and had pain in my side.  I resorted to walking about 200 yards (which, given the previously admitted horrid estimation skills means 50-872 feet). 

I need to get myself in some better shape before October’s Toughmudder.  Yikes.  Anyone want to run me to the top of a mountain and make me do situps on a tree stump next to a bear? Anyone?

The voice behind the camera for the shot below told me to look tough.  hahahaha…. not sure…. did I master it?

This farmer’s daughter did a respectable job on the hay piles compared to some of the other gals.  I was raised on square bales, but I mounted these round beasts like a woman on a mission.

Next year I’m doing this wiser. I live extremely close and should have been charging for use of my shower and vast yard for camping. Rounding the first mile it crossed my mind that it would be shorter to run home than to run to the finish line…. but life’s not about taking the short easy roads.  Do it long.  Do it hard.  (That advise can be universally applied to other venues.)

My little Verizon Pandora’s Box?!

I have other things to write about, but they involve uploading photos and videos and such and quite frankly… I’m a blend of lazy and busy.  Here’s a quick lunch break post brought on by the randomness of my life.  A conversation that somehow landed me scrolling through the pictures in my phone made way to me realizing that I take some pictures of things that at the time, given the message I’m sending to someone makes sense, but then later it just looks silly in my phone when I forget to delete it.  I had a friend blurt out ten random numbers and then I applied those numbers to my phone pictures.  You are now about to witness 10 random stories of my phone habits.  Some of which… you’ll wonder why people are my friends when I send them such random images. Other of which, well.. please don’t tell my mother. 

I have a fondness for the word shuttlecock. One friend appreciated this and we make badminton references whenever possible. I sent this picture while shopping in Sports Authority.

I took this at work because someone wanted to see what my new red hair looked like. I was meant to be a redhead. It suited my wild tumbleweed personality I think.

I’m embarrassed to have to put this one in, but I must stick to my randon rules. This was sent to show someone how I was enjoying the view at the lake.

I was convinced when I walked in the store that I stepped back into the 80s/90s and neon never died.

I borrowed a friends wallet to fetch us lunch. Is this not the George Castanza of wallets? Its huge. Huge.

I was showing someone my awesome toy from the 80s that I still have. Its starts as a star shaped jewel and transforms into a pony. Every girl needs one of those.

My half-ass paver walkway I’m doing in my yard. All by myself. Its a wobbly little road but the important part is that I did it alone and I don’t care.

I had on my daughter’s fake glasses and she wanted me to make silly faces.

Wardrobe malfunction at work. My dress was too low cut and I didn’t havea safety pin. My friend offered her “Service Beyond Expectations” pin as a joke and of course I took her up on it. I found humor that my breasts were labeled as such throughout the work day.

The humor I found was that it was labeled to say “1 size fits most”.

Who is this man?

This poster has been hanging in a window at a store on a street where I run for some time now. (There were way too many prepositional phrases in that sentence.) Everytime I see this man’s face I can’t help but think it looks like Patrick Dempsey and Matthew McConaughey had a college age son together.  Advertising does wonders, I have no idea who this man is, but because I run by him several times a week I think if I ever saw him in person I’d subconsciously give him my money because of the banking ad.

Frolicking in the Muck

I have a 15k mudrun next weekend.  I’m not nearly back in shape, not that I was in the in any decent shape to begin with, but I’m going to give it my best!  The oven of the sky has reached over 100°F the last week here.  I’ve made it outside to run but its been hotter than the fire that burned Rasputin. I’ve completed a 5k mudrun before and am fairly certain that was the appetizer of my new found addiction. I’m looking forward to tripling that next weekend! If you aren’t aware, mudruns are races that take you off the straight path and throw your ass into the joy of running in the mud while sporadically completing obstacles. I’ve also been registered for the Tough Mudder in October and now need to kick my own ass a little over the next few months to become the beastly bitch I need to be to crush that one